that feel

Tom Waits has a song,

"That Feel"

he says,

"You can pawn your watch and chain,

but not that feel

You can throw it off a bridge
You can lose it in the fire
You can leave it at the altar
But it will make you out a liar"

"that feel" is the unexplainable grace that keeps us reaching beyond ourselves

sometimes i lose it

i get mired down in the details

the ego

the tree keeps me from the forest

the world becomes too much about me

that's when i lose "that feel"

fighting to keep it is a never ending battle,

a narrow road

our Beloved never lost it while He roamed this earth

"that feel" was to be in the Father

Mary never lost "that feel",

the scripture says she was "full of grace"

St. Paul, the poet, never lost it,

and he teaches us all to keep running after it

Beethoven, Rilke, Van Gogh,

St. Francis, G.K. Chesterton, St. Pio,

Mother Teresa, Rich Mullins

all pleading with the world,

"don't lose that feel"

 

wkm

 

 

 

silence

silence

wkm

God

i want to write truth

honesty

candid

but i still guard my words

something says we must

but is this God speaking?

someone asked me,

"why are many of your thoughts so filled with struggle?"

i did not respond

i told her i would think about it

my answer is simple

it's how my pallet has been painted

my disappointments are dear to me

they keep my heart broken

and sometimes after bitterness

i move once again into contriteness

and what if this is all God wants?

nothing is fair

the cross wasn't fair

and joy comes like a flash of lightning

remember it

David always remembered how God so often delivered him

in the midst of his tumultuous life of sin, running,

friendship, brokenness, rage, lust, murder,

this man after God's own heart,

always remembered

i read a poem by a child this morning

it was full of trust in God

joy in God

amidst poverty of things

she is wealthier than all of us.

 

wkm

 

the gospel of Luke

Hail Mary,

 full of grace,

the Lord is with thee.

 Blessed art thou among women

and blessed

 is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus.

 

these are the words

of Gabriel

and Elizabeth

from the gospel

of Luke.

 

wkm

 

lovers of the Crucified

lovers of the Crucified

before the world

He died for all to see

yet He rose alone

hidden

in silence

therefore

we are not ashamed

of our humiliations

our failures

our fears

our sufferings

we walk in them as He did

and one day

by grace

we will rise in silence

as He did

but on this battlefield

we are lovers of the Crucified

it's what we know best

 

wkm

the heaven of love

the lasting hope

the way we reason

the faith we struggle

sorrow

season

catapult into mystery

burning up with ruin

waiting

always waiting

learning to ask for the right things

with the right heart

with the right mind

what a hell of mountain

we have to climb within

to reach the heaven

of love

for God and friend

and enemy

 

wkm

odd

new orleans

the days hotel

broken remote

broken clock

broken phone

 like a Bob Dylan song

my 18 year old son and i walked burboun street last night

a carnival

a circus

milling humans

bizarre

strange

 like a Tom Waits song

i kept thinking

"Jesus, You died for all of this

You love every soul walking this broken street

this boulevard of the beguiled"

He whispered to me,

"I even love you with all your hidden sin"

i thanked Him for reminding me

today after Mass at the St. Louis Cathedral,

we will see the saints play

what an odd world..

 

wkm

 

nothing

let nothing trouble you

 

---St. Teresa of Avila

Always

it breaks my heart

when i break His Sacred Heart

my weakness to not rely

on His strength

yet He loves

He pursues me daily

Holy Spirit

Hound of Heaven

He disciplines me

calling me His son

i don't like the discipline

but He is Father

we often ask.

'what is it You want me to learn Beloved?"

"why do i fall in the same ways again and again?!"

He is silent

the answer is in His silence

"trust Me"

"Take up your cross, follow"

"Deny yourself"

"confess your sins"

"run the race set before you"

"lean not on your own understanding"

"I am here, always."

"visit me often in the Tabernacle"

"why would you not?"

 

wkm

 

 

 

 

as we stumble after You...

the crucifix

think about it

dream about it

kiss it

hold it

study it

meditate upon it

St. Paul gloried in it!

do we?

Why?

 it is everything

it is our breath

our hope

the empty tomb means nothing

without it,

our Beloved didn't just die

He died on the cross

sing it with me

Lift High The Cross!

He redeemed suffering

we all suffer

 Beloved Jesus,

help us carry our crosses,

as we stumble after You..

 

wkm

where is this going?

where is this going?

the path is covered in leaves now

circus music in the distance

a calliope and trombone

the people on the square stare

none make eye contact with the soldier

his one good eye

he joined the carnival troupe after Iraq

no one else would hire a one armed

one legged

one eyed

man

the tattoo lady pushes him around in a wheel chair

she has an image of Jesus laughing on her forehead

parents take their children into stores

the barker walks ahead of them calling out through a megaphone

"THE SHOW BEGINS!!! THE SHOW BEGINS!!"

he is dressed in a red tuxedo

the color of rust

fall is in the air

the leaves unfallen shine yellow and gold in the sunshine

in the cool breeze

where is this going?

without mercy

without humility

we are just animals.

 

wkm

 

without your heat

"the flames of His love burn beyond the stars"  St. Columban, abbot

 

when i read this from the Liturgy of the Hours this morning,

i felt great pain

St. Columban goes on to express his weakness

his weakness in being filled with the fire

from this pain...

 

oh Beloved i have asked you before

where do you go and why do you leave

i need your fire within my soul

your burning heart consuming me!

 

without your heat 

i am cold

you know how weak

i really am

 

please melt the ice

my frozen heart

my frigid fear

hold my shaking hands

 

oh Beloved i have asked you before

where do you go and why do you leave

i need your fire within my soul

your burning heart consuming me!

 

to burn for you

to burn for you

to be consumed

to burn for you

 

the flames of His love

burns beyond the stars

divine eternal

unquenching flames

 

I'm sitting here

as cold as stone

with no desire

can hardly pray

 

oh Beloved i have asked you before

where do you go and why do you leave

i need your fire within my soul

your burning heart consuming me!

 

to burn for you

to burn for you

to be consumed

for only you

 

wkm

 

 

 

 

 

Jack Gentle

what makes you wanna live

what makes you wanna move

what makes your moments mean a thing

is it something you can prove

 

we love as best we can

driven by what drives us best

it could be a moonlit night in June

could be a painful trial or test

 

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

told me he was hanging on

said the Eucharist keeps him strong

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

 

could be liquor

could be wine

could be drugs of any kind

for some it's money

for some it's things

for some it's an image

a style a game

 

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

told me he was hanging on

said the Eucharist keeps him strong

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

 

if i met an angel

how would i know

unless i saw some silver wings

motivation

to keep praying

is sometimes a fragile thing

 

emotions come

emotions go

 the hilltop highs

the valley lows

we live mostly in between

doing the same old same old things

 

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

told me he was hanging on

said the Eucharist keeps him strong

Jack Gentle called me on the phone

 

wkm

 

 

 

 

 

Have you seen it?

have you seen it?

there is great need for it

a great void without it

all kinds of troubles

all forms of foolishness

when it is misplaced

i have seen this

not only around me

but at times in the mirror

what is this we sometimes forget?

Dignity

the Incarnation demands it

our Beloved became one of us

as a growing fetus

He gave dignity to the unborn

as a child to children

as a working man to work

as the Son of Mary to family

as the Son of God to the Father ( Abba)

by living for 30 years in silence

He gives dignity to daily toil of living

by His 3 years preaching

dignity to the Truth of an invisible God's love

His suffering gives dignity to our suffering

He redeems suffering!

His death even gives dignity to death

His empty tomb

gives dignity to our hope

as Bob Dylan asks in his song,

"Have you seen dignity?"

 

wkm

 

 

 

 

i know i do

the fall

the leaves of october

seeing ones breath for the first time

 deer and dogs

friskier

a reprieve from the heat

all of this is grace

but the homeless see it differently

always more than one way to look

to understand

we all have coats we don't need

new and used 

i know i do

 

wkm

 

 

as storms often do...

have you ever wondered

or been filled with doubt

as to what your time here

is all about?

 

there's a strange heat settling in

 humidity is 90%

and it will not rain, it will not rain

 doesn't make sense

 

prizes for peace

what peace

where?

soldiers wanna know

so do mothers in despair

 

rambling and roaming

through a friday morning mind

worn out from praying

worn out by time

 

i wanna love somebody

 go the extra mile

 quit my complaining

stop thinking of me for a while

 

cause wonder and doubt

can lead to joy and belief

when i remind myself

this ain't about me

 

i just heard the rain is coming

be here by noon

the storm will bring relief

as storms so often do

 

wkm

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

she kneels

she kneels

her mind starts to calm

outside this place

it is always racing

always tasking

but here it can slow down

she takes a deep breath

she imagines Gethsemane

she thinks of His prayer

"not my will, but thine be done"

then the scourging at the post

how did He do this?!

His flesh ripped and torn

'thank you Beloved"

the crown of thorns

the spitting in His face

humility and patience personified

carrying the cross

He told us to carry our own daily

crucified

"Mother, behold your son, son behold thy mother."

always caring for us

always caring.

she finishes the rosary by asking Mary to continue revealing the fruit of her womb,

Jesus

makes the sign of the cross,

in the Name of the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit

amen

 

wkm

 

Why Don't We?

Afghanistan

more troops

more giving

sacrifice

true sacrifice

we

should pray

encourage

show gratitude

even if we hate war

don't trust politicians

left or right

the sacrifice is real

for the Marine

the Soldier

the Sailor

the Pilot

we must pray

if we don't

why don't we?

 

wkm

 

The Heart

i don't know about you

not even sure about me

Who knows these hearts?

these rooms of mystery

 

some days we  follow

some days we run

sometimes we're together

but most often undone

 

Who knows the heart

this restless rhythm within

Who knows the heart

 where love begins

 

Who knows the heart

 easily led astray

When love falls apart

ain't got nothing to say

 

confusing and clear

all at the same time

a bloom bursts through the pavement

waking up a sleeping mind

 

 Who knows the heart?

 

It's a pilgrimage of struggle

from day 1 till the end

but what a beautiful struggle

i think i'm falling again

   

makes us choose

 makes us seek

 makes us cry

makes us weak

 

makes us strong

makes us free

makes us hunger

for the Unseen

 

love is the heart

the heart is love

love is the heart

the heart is love

 

Who knows the heart?

 

 wkm

 

 

ebb and flow

the autumn holds memories

the soft rain

the chill in the morning breeze

i remember the old shed,

where my grandfather cured ham

he smoked it for days

the aroma hung in the air

especially in the morning

the days are getting shorter

the light is changing

the world is forever with us

the good and the bad

the cycles of nature

reminding us

we are always dying

always living.

made in the image of God

all of creation groans

right along with us

and the hills leap for joy

right along with us

in this tension of being

in this never ending ebb and flow

 

wkm

 

Signs from God

there are signs from God everywhere
in places we would not expect
in the bloodshot eyes of a lonely man
smelling of whiskey
in the kindness of someone who has no idea
what their kind words mean
we often want God in a box
keeping Him easily manageable

easily controlled

not a threat to our sensibilities or will
this is nonsense
and it doesn't limit God
it limits us
Our Beloved is not just in "this or that"

just "here or there"
He is always everywhere
in our despair
in our joy
in our foolishness
in our failure
in our devotion
He is all and in all
in Him we live

move

have our being
this is why sin separates us from Him
not Him from us,
He is still there,
waiting for us to repent
and to realize His crazy love
for us

wkm

Mercy!

the flow of  days
  the weather
some sunny
some dark
you and i live in two realities,
maybe three
the ebb and flow of
"as it comes"
dreams
  the Other
the true spiritual dimension
ahhh!
i don't know how to say it
but sometimes my dogs look at me in a way i can't explain
i realize,
God is using everything to reach me
He is mad about me,
about YOU
let us turn to Him
adore Him!
love Him!
He is not afraid of our doubt
He is well aware of our weakness
aware of our inability to be faithful
mercy

wkm

Edward

the light came

the light came

in a flash and a flame

into the daylight

it came

 

i was shaving

doing something normal

needing a moment to hide,

but i couldn't when they called

so i went to Edwards side

 

 he was lying in a heap

 torn beyond repair

another Marine takes a hit

another mother weeps and swears

 

and a single tear fell

as i held his weak hand

 i told him i loved him

as he left this weary land

 

a single tear fell

 down the face i had shaved

and i won't forget Edward

till my dying day

 

none of us know

why we are where we are

some work in a liquor store

some sell used cars

 

some write songs

 some paint what they see

i used to break wild horses

and one or two broke me

 

so we keep on living

as best we can

one foot in front of the other

there is not a better plan

 

and love is always calling

to an Edward's side we'll go

giving our hands in mercy

giving the hopeless our hope

 

we can't even fathom

   what we may see

when we hear the cry of love,

and follow wherever the cry may lead.

 

wkm

inspired by the book, "Tear in the Desert"

 

 

 

horses again

the light
the soft light
a cool wind
sirens fading far away
the panic of families
the nearness of death
i am only guessing
wondering...
the horses run to us
as if to say,
"we remember you"
God is in this
He is as close as these horses
as they blow and paw the ground
their soft noses
breathing with both fear and joy

good to be together again
i feel the same
so does my son
another moment of grace
Glory to the Father!

wkm