AHHH!

sometimes
everything within me
cries out
i cry out to You
frustrated
confused
damn angry
"what must happen for You to say yes Father?!!"
my words hit the ceiling
falling back down upon my head
yet i hear Your call
 a drum banging in my ear
You have given vision
You have given a gift
You have given a message
You have given passion
desire
how long O Lord!
will Your vagabond child stumble in this strangling darkness?
selling vodka
selling credit card machines
selling cars
selling the soul
working for ungrateful ogres
ogres of greed and pride
abusing hearts for selfish gain
a race horse forced to plow for 40 years
i am afraid to say these things to You,
 afraid You will punish me Father
the wayward child
afraid You will shake Your head at me
shrugging Your holy shoulders
but as Your servant David cried out,
i raise my voice
though nothing like David
for he was a man after Your own heart
i am the greatest sinner i know
a man after what?
and i am not just saying this for pity Father
You know i am horrible to You
ungrateful
full of pride
lacking faith
so now my cry
honestly
is for Mercy!
Have mercy O Lord
this is all can ask for
ever
I deserve nothing
nothing without You
Have mercy on me
in this prison of my own making
 
wkm