Rejoice! The more we dive in and dig in to this faith, the more intense the love becomes! It becomes so riveting that we begin to disappear, and hallelujah!, we begin to abandon ourselves almost ridiculously to Jesus. It looks odd not only to those around us, but even to ourselves. We start to crave His nearness in ways that do not make sense. We find ourselves hating our sin and mediocrity with ferocious aggression. Then pride comes and we fall again. We wander through doubt again, we stagger like drunks trying to trust even for the smallest things. Then grace overwhelms us again, out of nowhere, and we dig some more. All of this is His sword, dividing us from ourselves so that we may know ourselves the way He knows us. St. Augustine said, " O lord, You know me better than I know myself." Why do we need this knowledge? So that when we are tempted to sin, or to think we are doing fine, or feel as if we have made it, or when we are faced with frustration, fear, doubt, anger, etc...we will recognize our fallen tendencies and turn to Jesus crying out for Mercy. The more we turn to Him instead of brewing in our minds the same old ways we always have, the more we can trust Him in the struggles and dark nights. This brings about a love for Jesus for Who He is, not for what He can do for us. Lord, let this be so!
wkm
Vancouver BC
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