doubt

talking with a friend yesterday
he, an agnostic, asked me a question
and it was asked in all sincerity
with no guile
"why are some religious Conservative Christians so mean?"
his mother had been to a school play with him
and while his son was sitting next to his mother,
she was berating some of the students for their haircuts,
obesity, and commenting often on the lack of morals "kids have these days"
these were 5th graders
i asked how the question applies to his mother
he said she is an incredibly devout evangelical
i know what he is talking about
 i agreed there sometimes seems to be a cruel streak in some believers
i paused before i answered
"Doubt."
"it is possible that behind the curtain of self righteous behavior,
lies ones own ignored doubts and insecurities."
i explained my take on this, simply as an opinion,
i am my most judgmental myself when i am insecure in my own place in life
when i am ignoring my own doubts regarding something in my faith
and in judging and berating others, somehow, i feel better about myself spiritually.
Bruce Cockburn has a great line in one of his songs,
"You can't love yourself without thinking someone else holds a lower card"
when doubts are not embraced and worked through,
they are like gasoline poured on the flame of insecurity
and in this, we can be very mean.
doubt can be a very good thing because it churns the soil of the spirit
but left to lie dormant, it grows into a very sharp brier bush
wounding all who rub against it.

wkm